How Not to Be a Power-Trippy Control Freak

How Not to Be a Power-Trippy Control Freak

Trust is a core currency of any relationship. Sometimes our need to control and micromanage everything erodes our confidence in ourselves and others. The truth: People are much more capable than we think. A hearty dose of trust is often what’s needed to unlock the magic. Go ahead, have faith.

Kris Carr

Will This Performance Never End?


When you are with other people, do you find yourself behaving in ways that make you cringe? This isn’t just about your business or your work…this is about human interaction in general. It’s almost as though we really are actors on a stage playing our parts written by someone else. We want to play the part from our own authentic place, but find it next to impossible to extricate ourselves without getting booted off the stage.

What is Leading From Purpose? What is Conscious Leadership?


At first, when people ask me what Leading From Purpose means, I say something like, “It means that you are living from an energy-neutral or energy-positive place. You are focused on the outcomes and solutions, not on what you can get from something or someone.” When that draws a blank, I switch gears to, “It means that you are not being a douchebag or a power-trippy control freak.” The light bulb turns on. “Ohhh…so what does that have to do with energy?”

There is more to this than meets the eye. Conscious Leadership involves self-awareness, excavation of what makes you tick and what stops you from ticking. It involves taking a good look at your personal history and how that has affected the ways in which you unconsciously manipulate for control and power as well as recognizing how others unconsciously manipulate for control and power.

Leading From Purpose is knowing yourself and how your energy affects others. It is knowing the different layers of leadership you can access as extensions of your core personality as well as discernment in when to use them. It is being conscious of your purpose in the context of your life and within the different roles you play. It is awareness of when and how to recharge your own batteries.

Leading From Purpose is mindfulness in action.


An Exercise in Energetic Discernment


Try this tomorrow: For the whole day, pay attention to your interactions with everyone who crosses your path.

At the end of, or even throughout the day, make notes on how you felt with each person. Did you feel:

  1. Intimidated, as though there was an obvious or underlying threat?
  2. Undermined, as though you were doing something wrong, or as though there is something wrong about you?
  3. Sucked In, as though you were pulling teeth to get the simplest response or information?
  4. Guilty, as though you felt personally responsible for someone else’s outcomes, that you couldn’t do enough?

Leave a comment on how that went for you.

This is just a tiny taste of what we explore in Leading From Purpose: A Road Map to Conscious Leadership. To learn more, and to be notified of workshop series launch dates, click through below and sign up for the mailing list.


Reasons to Be: Then and Now

Reasons to Be: Then and Now

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Marianne Williamson

If you have taken a look around this website, or followed me on Twitter, you might be wondering exactly what is going on here. Reasons to Be? Conscious Leadership? A Workplace That Works? A Podcast on a book from 2008? Trust me, it all ties together…the tagline is ‘an evolution of connection’.

We are, first and foremost, human beings and it is my sincere belief that we are here in this life to express our unique purpose – or Reason to Be. Amid the hustle and bustle of everyday life, with the interpersonal challenges we have, with our differences in politics and religion, we need an oasis to tune in to who we really are. From that place of BEing, we can offer so much to the world that otherwise remains suppressed, repressed or oppressed.

One of our greatest problems in being human is the notion that we are not good enough – a message that gets pounded into us every day with advertising, workplace structure, propaganda, education, the opinions of family, friends and complete strangers. We act out in ways that are extremely harmful to one another and to the planet, whether this happens at home, at work or even going shopping. There is always a need to ‘be better than’.

For some strange reason, the structure of our entire society is based on this insecurity, this fear, this need…and there is the implication that it could very well collapse without it. So what if it does? Wouldn’t that simply make way for a more peaceful, creative and connected new civilization?

People are breaking out of the old societal constraints and building a more collaborative economic approach within their communities, where there is value to being human and value to the unique gifts that each of us brings to the whole. Utopian? No, just human.

While we learn our methods of being in this world from our youngest years – healthy or not (mostly not, since 85% of American/Canadian households are considered dysfunctional) – they become compounded over the years until we forget that we are, in fact, incredibly creative with an immense capacity for joy. As an adult, how many places have you worked or volunteered that allowed you to express that? I’m not talking about the work itself…we are very lucky if we can find work that is so close to a true expression of who we are; I’m talking about the environment.

With business supposedly being in existence simply for the exchange of goods and services, why should working in one impact who we are if we are doing our jobs? With non-profits existing to serve a purpose and with government existing to serve the people, why does the hierarchical structure mean that some humans are more important than others? We’re all people, for crying out loud. Misery exists at every level of whichever ladder we’re climbing, so why not cut the nonsense of power and control and remember that we all want the same thing…to be happy, fulfilled and ourselves.

You can see where I’m going with this, right? There is nothing childish about creative self-expression or unadulterated joy. That is who we are and I am here to remind you that the sooner we remember it, the faster we can get on with creating a healthier society for ourselves and future generations.

It all starts with you.

Positive Change Begins With Us: We Need Allies

Positive Change Begins With Us: We Need Allies


The original 101 Reasons to Be – writing 101 Reasons to Be Yourself and the earlier blog – was about creativity and positive change on an individual scale. How do you access your creativity? How do you become more you? How can you live with more love and joy?


We Need Allies


It is much easier to embrace a joyful life when we are with others who are also choosing to focus on the positive. We need allies in our quest for positive change and nowhere is this more evident that in the workplace where most of us spend a third of our days, more or less. If you’ve got a great work environment that engages you and encourages you to be your best, there is a definite ripple effect throughout the rest of your life that affects not only you, but your friends and families as well. When the workplace is not so great, for whatever reason, that ripple effect is also not so great, right?


Small Business Can Make a Difference


A couple of years ago, in a conversation with a mentor about a project I wanted to start, we got into talking about other stuff and I told him about my book and blog. “That’s what you need to do. Get into workplace productivity. You lit right up when you talked about that.” I was like, “Huh? How does this tie in with that?” I didn’t get the connection at all, having just left a workplace that was not very responsive to positive change…a workplace that I left precisely because of that. I was still too close to the negativity.

My life has changed dramatically since then and with distance comes clarity. Finally, I got the connection and began working on a program and creating content about two months ago. Talk about your “Aha!” moments – the writing came so freely and naturally that I could hardly believe it. I guess I thought that being a productivity consultant meant wearing power suits and having the charisma of Tony Robbins, but the people I want to work with don’t expect that. The people I want to work with are small business owners who want authenticity, not another over the top experience that leaves them drowning in unrealistic expectations. They are people who are kind of overwhelmed by what goes into running a great workplace and a productive business. They want to create a workplace that works and to see the positive ripple effects in their communities (and their bottom line).

My upcoming workshop series, A Workplace That Works, includes activities to help you and your workplace team communicate more authentically with greater understanding as well as a 7 step process to help you when your business needs a tune-up. If you have followed any of my previous work or have read my book, you can kind of guess where a bit of this is going.



A Workplace That Works



Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Howard Thurman

Welcome to the evolution of Reasons to Be. Much has changed over the eight years since publishing 101 Reasons to Be Yourself – notes on positive change and creative living. The original blog – which largely revolved around opinion and personal experience – ran from 2009 – mid-2016. It was taken down earlier this year because I needed to focus single-mindedly on a goal for a prolonged period of time ( and with the blog came a sense of obligation, of being torn in two directions.

Maturity happens while navigating life and so does purpose. It becomes less about “I” and more about “us”. Back in 2008 and 2009 I was all about doing. Admittedly, I have done a lot of cool and interesting things over the years and it was well worth reviewing and documenting my path to creativity because I met sooo many people along the way who said things such as, “Oh, I could never do that.” or “You’ve done this before. Why don’t you show me how to do it?” or “I just don’t know how you get these ideas.” or “I wish I could do that, but I’m not creative.” That was the purpose behind the book and the blog…here is how you can do it if you want to. I read it again last night and stand behind it.

I considered coaching, doing speaking events and more; however, I really had other stuff to do, namely, pursuing a career as a business broker that I had entered while publishing my book. The coaching path was further discouraged by the massive egos in the self-help/personal development industry and the disastrous events of October 8, 2009, when three people died in a sweat lodge ceremony during James Arthur Ray’s Spiritual Warrior program. That tragedy cast a huge shadow over all of us who had been inspired by JAR and many steered away from the arena at least partly because of it.

In 2011, I made a conscious decision to slow down from doing and try being. The urge to do still comes up often, but it is more focused and more consideration is given to whether the doing is in alignment with who I am and how I want to be in the world. It has been a maturation of all that came before and led to the long journey of developing MadeLocalApp to be of service to creative entrepreneurs who not only bring things we want and need into the world, but are part of the solution in job creation, alleviating poverty, bringing humanity back into business and even slowing down global warming.

The purpose now, of Reasons to Be, is to explore our purpose both collectively and individually, and to explore different perspectives that build bridges in our extremely polarized world. The purpose, in a nutshell, is connection. I believe that most, if not all, of our problems have grown from a spiritual and emotional disconnection with who we are and with our source energy, which leads to fear, distrust, and the need for power and control over others.

So, this is still about creative living and positive change as an end result, but more about how being true to ourselves and our sincere connections can see us through the veil of illusions in order to get there.

Pin It on Pinterest